Sunday, October 31, 2010

Living with God and not us

Sitting here on Halloween night looking at all of the very special photos being posted to FB. All of the children are dressed up in their cute little costumes. Faces are smiling with happiness and joy. Parents are posting thousands of pictures. And they are all so very precious.

But the photos have an edge to them also. For this was to be Wyatt's first Halloween. He was going to be a pumpkin.

Like so many things, it didn't happen. Another first that he will never receive. Another first that our family will never experience. Instead, we experienced our first Halloween without our son, our child, our little boy.

We skipped out on the family function being held at a parent's house. It would have been too hard. Instead, we sat and watched Forrest Gump. Interesting selection as it relates in so many ways. Life REALLY is like a box of chocolates.

Forrest Gump is now coming to an end, so is this Halloween night. Next, will be Thanksgiving and soon the Christmas music will begin. I haven't decided how to handle these, as we can't skip out, they have to happen. But do we have to be there? Do we have to be present?

Thanksgiving is about being thankful, for that I am not sure I am, not just yet. Christmas is about the birth of a precious child, one who lived. Mine didn't, so I am not sure how to go about Christmas either.

As I was sitting on the couch, brainstorming ways to get out of the upcoming holidays, when I found this:

After wiping the tears from my cheeks and my eyes, I realized that I am thankful and I do have a child who is living. I am thankful that God needed my son. My son was perfect enough in every way that he was already needed back in the land above. He was our special gift, to God.

It isn't going to make Thanksgiving and Christmas better, but understanding this will make the holidays just a little bit easier. For my son is still living, he is just living with God and not us.

And now the feather is floating through the air, as Forrest Gump is over.


Whittney Tomczyk said...

This was a terrible night, wasn't it? Thank you for posting that video and making it a little less unbearable.

Dana said...

Thanks for posting that video. It helps.

Melissa said...

I love that poem. It always comforts me to think of Jesus singing Mikayla and all our babies lullabies. I wish I were singing them, but they must be so beautiful. I love your photo page, I hadn't seen that yet. Thank you also for the card i received today. It came at a perfect time. I only wish my other non-BLM friends would "get it" like that. =)