Monday, October 25, 2010

Life before Death

I don't care, I have to do this.

I don't care what you think about me after reading this. I have come to the point in this grieving process, where I could careless about what others think about anything. This is my life, my story, my pain, and my journey. If you feel that you need to add you opinion on my life, then I hope this means yours is perfect. If yours is not perfect, then what gives you the right to tell me about mine.

From the day I delivered Wyatt and heard the words from the nurses mouth, I was a little rattled by the whole thing. I remember my nurse, Lelia saying to me that "you will receive a Grabose Family birth certificate, as Pennsylvania doesn't honor birth certificates for babys like yours." It was her job, she needed to advise me of that. I hold no grudge to her.

I do however, hold a grudge to the state, the congressman, the senators, and even the president. What right do they have to decline a law that say parents should receive birth certificates if their child was born sleeping. The parents, in some states, get death certificates. I was one of those parents.

Please explain to me how a state can issue a death certificate for a child who was never born, according to the state. Please explain to me how a mother can feel a child move and kick in the womb and listen to his heart beat on countless echocardiograms, but yet the child isn't alive?

This country amazes me. We can spend money to research life on other planets but we can't issue a birth certificate to a child that was moving In Utero. We can send money to other countries to help rebuild them, and I am not saying I don't agree with this, but we can't spend money to help grieving parents by providing them with a birth certificate. We can hand out death certificates like they are candy, but we can't provide a birth certificate prior to a death certificate. No, because in the eyes of congress, senate, and the president, a birth certificate is something you have to be able to breathe for.

Most states will not issue a birth certificate because a birth certificate is for a "live" birth. So then my argument would be, call it something else. It just doesn't make sense, how can one have a death certificate but not have something showing the lived first. Maybe not a "live" birth certificate, but what about a "Hey people, I lived for ____ weeks/months. I had blood flowing through my veins, my heart was beating, and I was growing. I was able to move and kick. I liked certain foods and flavors. I was a living person" certificate.

I found an organization tonight from a friend on FB. The organization is called MISS Foundation. Another BLM blogged about this group tonight also. We both discovered it at the same time. Please take the time to view this video. It means a lot to me, a lot!

Additionally, I have located the founder of the foundation. Her name is Dr. Joanne Cacciatore. She is a wonderful person. I found her blog and read a few posts, she is amazing. If you are interested in her blog, click HERE.

Although some may think that a birth certificate is just a piece of paper, to me it means that the world recognizes that my son was alive. I am sick and tired of people telling me things like "they aren't alive until they come out", "what you delivered was just a shell", and "he really never lived". Imagine being told that. His body is the only thing I was able to hold after carrying him for 7 months, after going through 26 months to create him, after using up all of our IVF coverage and not getting another embryo, and after happiness came crashing down and shattered every single one of our dreams.

Everyone should be entitled to a certificate stating they were alive at some point, before receiving a death certificate. Life before death, right?


Michelle said...

I am sharing this thank you for this Megan.

Ausmerican Housewife said...

I'm one of the "lucky" ones who got a birth certificate. My son gasped twice after he was born and never breathed on his own. His heart crashed (due the stress of a traumatic birth) and it took 15 minutes to revive him. For all intents and purposes, my son died in the ER.

Yes he was "brought back" to us but he was braindead. No nothin'. Just a shell of his former active bouncy happy self in utero. So technically, he was born alive but never really "lived" outside the womb. (He died in my arms at 4 days 2 hours old.)

I cannot tell you the grief and anguish and utter anger that welled up when I checked the mailbox and found his death certificate had arrived. 3 weeks later his birth certificate arrived, along with his medicare card. Those two mean more to me than any other pieces of paper with his name on it. My son's (brief) life is acknowledged by this government and that does me more good than his death being acknowledged. As he is entitled to dual citizenship by birth (I am american his father australian), in the near future I will submit his papers to the US Consulate down here in Oz and have his birth recognized as a "foreign birth abroad". This is bittersweet.

A person's a person no matter how small. I wish you the best of luck in getting a birth certificate and am behind all the mothers whose babes have died and do not have this vital acknowledgement 1000%.

Gabby Angel said...

I couldn't have said it better myself Megan. We Deserve it carried our babies their hearts where beating just caused the died in utero does not mean that there where not ALIVE

Dr. Joanne Cacciatore said...

I am so very sorry. Wyatt is a beautiful and precious baby boy.

Melissa said...

Thanks for sharing. It's just another issue that until you are faced with it you have no idea it even existed. It breaks my heart that those stillborn babies aren't acknowledged. =( So unfair.

L'Briska Robertson said...

Our Julian was born alive and was just too immature to make it very long and passed about a minute after birth, after giving the nurse's finger a good squeeze. We were blessed with a birth certificate. It helped validate it for us. I am so sorry you were not issued a birth certificate for your sweet Wyatt. You issue a death certificate after someone has passed away. You cannot die unless you first have lived. Your Wyatt was alive, just like all the other babies that are born sleeping. Just because they were not alive on the outside shouldn't matter. I am so sorry for your loss. I share your pain. We lost Julian on April 7, 2010. I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight. Maybe Wyatt and Julian will find each other and play up there a while. ((Hugs))
~ L'Briska