A dark cloud was heavy over me since Sunday. The sun was gone and the weather was getting bad. Something happened, something changed.
It could be many things. A christening for a precious child, a holiday of scares around the corner, or finding out that we had only $838.00 left towards our lifetime maximum coverage for IVF.
I am not sure what caused the cloud to form nor why it rained because it wasn't in the forecast. I definitely wasn't expecting it to be overcast for so long. In reality, three days isn't too long to experience nasty weather, but when a cloud hovers in one place with no movement for three days, it is a long time.
Last night, I lost it. It was bad, and I couldn't help it. It was the first hard cry since July. The cry was bottled up for months and it didn't just spring a leak, it gushed out. Tears, sobs, and more tears. And the uninvited guests of Why, What If, and How Come were all present to watch the water works.
Today wasn't much better. Everyday since Wyatt has left, it takes longer to get out of bed. The motivation to get up just isn't there any longer. The desire to leave the house and go to work, not there either. The cloud of darkness was still there this morning. Still there, hovering above, waiting to release the rain. It didn't have to wait long.
Upon arriving at work, the cloud was sinking and it quickly turned to fog. It was complicating my vision and everything became blurred. I asked a friend to meet me for coffee and thank God I did. I don't think she expected it, and I am sure she was shocked. I have always been an "all together" person. Not today, today I lost it at work.
A cup of amaretto cookie flavored coffee, a shocked friend and thirty minutes later, the tears were dried up and the red face had faded. All that was left was the overcast sky and the dew from the recent shower. Of course, the day continued on.
Towards the end of the day, I saw the first ray of sunshine. A little message, from the same friend, made me place a call back to the insurance company. I called to determine remaining IVF coverage, as I had in the past, but this time I asked for 2011. The agent on the other side of the phone said, "before we get into your coverage, I want to let you know that the previous lifetime maximums will be lifted for 2011." I was shocked, speechless, and lost for words. I said, "I am sorry, could you please repeat that, I believe you have just made my life." The agent repeated the words she had said before.
It rained again, just a brief shower. An explanation was provide to the agent and then a thank you. Though the agent didn't decide the benefit coverage, she simply confirmed it, she had just made my day, month, year, no.... she made my life. I can now have the coverage again that will allow for another IVF attempt. (If you have followed Wyatt's Whisper from the beginning you will understand the need for this. For Wyatt was our "golden egg".)
Finally, the dark cloud decided to move north and allowed for the sun to return. Upon my return home, I told Brian the news. Immediately, there was a beautiful sunset, as the weather had changed and the whole time we thanked our angel.