Thursday, November 11, 2010

Search for Heaven

Is Heaven in the Yellow Pages?
By Donna Groleau

Mommy went to Heaven, but I need her here today,
My tummy hurts and I fell down, I need her right away.
Operator can you tell me how to find her in this book?
Is Heaven in the yellow part, I don't know where to look.
I think my daddy needs her too, at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes, but I really don't know why.
Maybe if I call her, she will hurry home to me.
Is Heaven very far away, is it across the sea?
She's been gone a long, long time. She really needs to come home now!
I really need to reach her but I simply don't know how.
Help me find the number please, Is it listed under Heaven?
I can't read these big words, I am only seven.
I'm sorry operator, I didn't mean to make you cry.
Is your tummy hurting too, or is there something in your eye?
If I call my church maybe they will know.
Mommy said when we need help that's where we should go.
I found the number to my church tacked up on the wall.
Thank you operator, I'll give them a call.

This poem, though it is about a little girl and her mommy, it spoke to me. I haven't been to church since Wyatt's memorial service and before that, I didn't go very much. I believe in God, and I made my necessary sacraments to marry my husband in the Catholic church, because that was our belief. However, we seem to have an issue with getting up every Sunday to head to church. (There are more reasons behind that, but I will not get into them here.)

I am not going to lie, I questioned church, God, and the Bible before the loss of Wyatt. I guess you could say, I "semi believed". It was hard for me to believe in something I couldn't see, something that there was no proof of. But as I have said in previous posts, I have changed. It amazes me, as I was one who only "semi believed", that as soon as I found out about Wyatt after the surgery, I immediately turned to God. I immediately knew that my child was in the hands of God. Funny how one who only "semi believed" found God so quickly during such a difficult time. But it is true.

Since June, well no, since July, I don't find myself questioning God, the church, or the Bible. I still questioned in June and yelled at God for what he did. I was hurt, upset and felt that I was being punished. But I have come to realize and understand that life is out of my control and in the control of someone else. There is a greater being. I have been able to relate to so many Bible versus. I have found peace in knowing that my child is in the hands of God and will never have to suffer more than what he did In Utero.

I think I may have found myself asking if Heaven was listed the yellow part also, but I know now that I need to take the number off the wall and call it in order to complete the search for Heaven.

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