Here it is November 28, three days after Thanksgiving, eight days before the six month mark of Wyatt growing his wings, and just under one month until Christmas. How did I get to this point? I keep telling people that I can't believe it is November, and not because I am like others who just can't believe the holidays are here. No, I really honestly, can't believe it is November. I feel like this year has been nothing but a long horrible dream, one that started with me being pregnant with Wyatt, going through a loss that words can't explain, then ending with me being pregnant all over again. Oh, wait..... That is my year.
Please don't take me the wrong way, I am excited that we are expecting again, even better, we did it without any drugs and procedures. But everything is so, well, THE SAME. This time last year, tomorrow actually, I was going in for IVF retrieval. I was told "Things don't look good, we only recovered one egg." Brian then call it "the golden egg." Just two weeks later we found out that the golden egg became our precious Wyatt.
Now, a year later, I sit here with the sun shining through the bay window, thinking that both of my children will have August due dates, literally within days of each other. I guess that goes hand in hand with Wyatt's way. Wyatt had a thing about dates, so this only makes sense. I find myself laughing cause, I will probably go late, and this baby will arrive on Wyatt's due date, just a year later. Again, this would be Wyatt's way.
I will be seeing the IVF doctor for the next six weeks, as he can monitor the pregnancy in his office better than my OB. Ultrasounds every week, and blood work. But this is the same treatment I received with Wyatt, which scares the crap out of me. We will see the new baby's heart in two weeks, but it doesn't mean anything. We saw Wyatt's too, we were told it was beating perfectly, that was not the case. I began seeing my OB on 1/10/10 (OMG, look at those ones), with Wyatt. I found out earlier this week I will begin seeing my OB on 1/11/11 (OMFG, look at that), with this baby. Again, Wyatt's way. Him and these dates and the number ones. Lastly, get this: I conceived this baby, per the doctor, on either 11/10/10 or 11/11/10 (again ones and dates). INCREDIBLE, huh? I guess that was why I saw so many number ones. Wyatt was trying to tell me something.
I almost feel as though I am about to repeat a year of my life. I feel like Christmas will be the same, expecting a baby but not showing, and having so many happy dreams to look forward to. I feel like looking into the new year is the same also. I will be pregnant and expected to deliver at the same time that I was expected to last year. It kinda makes me wonder......
Someone, someone very special to me, told me during the summer (when I was at my all time low), that she felt her child was given back to her in a next pregnancy. With everything about to take place around the same time as it did last year, I have to wonder, is my child being returned to me?
No, I haven't lost it. I know that Wyatt and this baby are not THE SAME baby. But come on..... I can't get pregnant on my own at all with Wyatt. Then only one cycle of "really" trying I get pregnant and this baby is due basically the same time that Wyatt was due, only a year later. It isn't coincidence!!!!!