Bitter Sweet

Today is a Bitter Sweet day. Today was Wyatt's due date given by the OB. According to the IVF specialist, Wyatt's due date was 8/23, but from January 24th on we used the date of 8/19, that which was provided by the OB.

Today was the day that I had been counting down to. The day that our first child was due to arrive. The day that we would become a FAMILY. That didn't happen today.

Instead, I went to sleep last night crying at the clock as it turned to 12:00a. I whispered goodnight to the sky, in hopes my son would hear me. I woke up this morning with nothing but the memories and lost dreams of what could have been.

Then I remembered that today is the Day of Hope. Today is the day that all little angels are remembered. I would not be grieving alone today. No, many other parents would be grieving with me.

I find this day ironic. Wyatt shared special dates with everything that was important. We found out that we were pregnant on my brother's birthday (12/16/09). Our first ultrasound was on 12/24/09. Wyatt's surgery, the one that he didn't make it through, was on 6/4/10, exactly 5 years to the day that my sister lost her boyfriend in a motorcycle accident. Wyatt was delivered on my 30th birthday, 6/6/10. Today was Wyatt's due date, the same day as the Day of Hope, 8/19/10, Bitter Sweet.

I saw a beautiful blue butterfly today. The same color as the one I saw last week, when I knew my Wyatt was there. I saw it right after my brother called me which was 2:23p. It flew around my mom's finger just shortly after. At exactly 2:25p my mom's watch stopped.

..... Wyatt was there and he was trying to tell us something.

It was Bitter Sweet.