Friday, August 6, 2010

The Gift

Well Baby Boy, here it is 39 minutes until your two month birthday, but I will probably finish this on your birthday. I am writing to you now because I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy two month birthday. I am sure I will write to you again on our birthday.
I find myself sitting here asking God why he would take you from me. Asking what I ever did so horribly wrong to ever deserve to lose you. Asking what you ever did so horribly wrong to be taken away from your Mommy and Daddy, the two people who loved you more than anything or anyone on this Earth. But guess what, God won't answer me. I don't think I will ever know why you can't be here with Daddy and I.
Although at times I had some pain when I was pregnant with you, I loved every minute of it. If I could go back in time, I would enjoy the pains of you stretching, enjoy the nights on the couch because I couldn't get comfy in bed, and enjoy the days of having to run to the bathroom every 20 minutes.
I couldn't wait until my belly was sticking out so everyone could tell I was pregnant with you. I was so proud of you and you hadn't even been born yet. I remember the week that everyone began to notice I was pregnant. It was right after Easter. So many people were congratulating me, I was over joyed. I would rub my belly hoping you would feel it, so you knew just how proud I was of you.
I loved every single time I felt you move. I can feel it like it just happened. You would push your little feet down right on my bladder. It was like you were trying to jump on a trampoline.
I enjoyed going to the doctor and listening to your heart beat. It always gave me satisfaction knowing that your little heart was beating only a few inches away from mine.
I know was in a state of shock when the doctors told us what was wrong with your little heart. I don't think I realized it wasn't a dream until after delivering you. The nurse took you and while I was waiting for your "first cry" I heard nothing but silence. The nurse handed you to me and when I looked into your face for the first time, I expected you to cry or breath, but you didn't. That was when I realized it wasn't a dream.

Looking into your small little face, I saw Daddy and I all mixed together. You were beautiful, just like I imagined. You had my nose and cheeks and Daddy's lips. You were so small and so petite, and you were so cute.
Daddy and I got to spend your entire birthday with you though. You were born at 4:48p, just a few minutes short from being exactly 30 years younger than me. Everyone came to see you. You were baptised, had footprints taken, and you were held by almost everyone in your family.

I know that you were already an angel when you were delivered. But son, I just wanted to tell you that your birthday was the best gift. You gave me the gift that allowed me to hold you, cherish you, and enjoy having you with me at my side for 28 hours. Your birthday is was wonderful, Wyatt. It is a day that Daddy and I will never, ever forget. One that we will treasure forever.
~~~~ Happy 2 month Birthday Baby Boy, Daddy and I love you with all of our hearts! ~~~~


Whittney Tomczyk said...

This is beautiful, Wyatt is so lucky to have you as his mommy.

Michelle said...

beautifully written.