Saturday, August 21, 2010

Little Black Box with the Red Flag

Since my return home from the hospital with empty arms, the thing I look forward to the most everyday is my short walk to the little black box with the red flag. Yes, my mailbox. I enjoy the anticipation of finding out what was delivered to the little black box with the red flag each day.

I enjoy this because for a month after returning home, without part of our family, that little black box with the red flag held inspirational quotes and sayings. They came in the form of cards and letters. Each was sent from a friend, family member, co-worker, or even a perfect stranger.

Upon opening the little black box with the red flag one afternoon in early July, I realized that the cards and letters had stopped. As I walked the short distance back to the house, I thought, "well, they can't continue forever."

I knew that there would be no more inspirational quotes or sayings, as they had long since ended. Instead of the cards and letters, there would only be bills, samples of formula, baby magazines, and junk mail. But for some reason, I couldn't stop looking forward to the visit to the little black box with the red flag.

In fact, on August 19th, Wyatt's due date, I remember sitting in the pool and asking what time it was. I was counting down the minutes until the mail lady arrived. I heard the squealing of the breaks just a few moments later.

I said to my mom and sister, "Yay, she arrived. I can go check the mail." I enjoyed the anticipation of walking to the little black box with the red flag that day. I was thinking that I would receive maybe just one inspirational quote in the form of a card.

I was let down again. I received NOTHING but two baby magazines. Really?! Did I have to receive something that was a harsh reminder of what this day was supposed to be? And that was all I received. Nothing else. No bills, no junk mail. Just two magazines that were starring out at me from the little black box with the red flag.

I had given up. I told myself I wasn't going to continue to look forward to my daily visit to the little black box with the red flag any longer. Instead, I allowed Brian to get the mail.

Then, today, I received it! I received my first BLM Penpal card. It was beautiful. The envelope had a monkey on the front, which immediately brought a smile to my face. Wyatt is "our little monkey". As I opened the envelope, I slowly pulled the card out. And yet another picture of a monkey. My day was made, it wasn't getting any better than this!

You see, I met a fellow BLM in late July. She came up with the idea of the BLM Penpals. The reason was simple. Just as I looked forward to visiting my little black box with the red flag everyday, so did all of the other BLM.

So, together, we continue to have something to look forward to. We continue to receive inspirational quotes and sayings. And we continue to be reminded of our littlest angels. We continue to receive "lift me up" words, as we understand that our pain is still there.

If you would like to participate in the BLM Penpals, please visit


Michelle said...

that is so inspirational!

butterflymom said...

Love this...and look forward to sharing in this opportunity with you soon!

Nicole said...

Aww I love that you blogged about this! I'm sooooo blessed by how much my little idea has grown and how much it's helping everyone! Yay! That makes me soooo happy!! :)
BLMs can get the information about how to join the list at my personal blog since the BLM one is private... :)
Thanks for spreading the word!!

Jennifer said...

You brought tears to my eyes. But I am so glad i bought a smile to your face. Those card are so special to me and I cry every time I see them. But it makes me feel good that you loved it. I hope you are doing well my BLM penpal.. take care of yourself and your hubby.. Someday soon we will have out rainbows. :)

vera kate said...

I got your card today. It was the very first card I have ever gotten, acknowledging my loss. Thank you so much. --vera kate