Now the count down begins....
I lost my dream that I had wanted to come true for so long and at the same time I lost touch with the real world. Life for me stopped on June 4th, 2010. Well, maybe it stopped at 10:29am on May 26, 2010, that was the last moment of normal.
Since then, I have been living a life where there is no hope, no joy, and no understanding. I have been living the life of a "baby loss mom". Don't get me wrong, I have encountered a new meaning of life, new friends, a new "family". And now that I am starting to gain a routine in this life, my life is going to have to change again.
August 30th, that marks the day that I will have to step back out into reality. This is the day that I am dreading most of all. This is the day that I have to return to where I was during the last moment of my "normal" life. My JOB.
I have worked for the same company, in the same department now for 8 years. I would like to think of my job as my second home. Happy times and good people. However, since August came, I have had this feeling in my stomach, this horrible, awful feeling. NERVES.
I am so nervous about going back work. As I said before, this was where I lived my last moments of normal, in my old life. The calendar will still be turned to May, my coffee cup will still be sitting near my phone, and my To Do list will still have the same items. However, I will no longer be the same person.
I am dreading picking up where I left off. I actually don't think I can. So much has changed now, everything looks different. I feel like I am wearing a new set of glasses and seeing everything for the first time. My biggest fear when I return is that everyone will think I am the old Megan, the Megan before the storm. But I am not.
And so, the count down continues. Only a few weeks left until I return to where I lived the last few moments of "normal". I wonder how differently I will see this place now, as I am sure the "normal" is no longer present.