Attached

Well, I received no questions, not a single one.  That doesn't upset me, it just means one of two things.  One, I have laid my story out so well on this blog that there are no questions that remain, or two, you just don't know what to ask.  I am fine with either of those options. This just means that I get to blog about something else before the BIG blog post, blog number 100!

So my topic of this blog will be the new book that I started reading.  I am surprised I am sitting here typing this and not reading the book.  I am so attached to it.  The book is called "The Shack".  I was told of this book by a friend, someone who I care a lot about.  She mentioned this book right after the loss of Wyatt, but I didn't have enough guts to pick it up and read it.  I kinda put it out of my mind.

The other day, I was at my mom's house and happened to see the book sitting there on the counter.  It was then that I recalled the recommendation that my friend had made about the book.  I asked my mom if I could borrow the book and I started reading it this week. 

I don't have many words for the book yet, as I am just getting to the part that I need.  The "let me help you believe in God" part.  But I can say, what I have read, I can relate to.  I can feel the words of the author as I read each of them. 

I don't want to discuss what the book is about, as I don't want to ruin it for anyone who wants to read it.  But I will say, there is a horrible tragedy that takes place at the beginning of the book, similar to my life tragedy.  Though I am only half way through the book, I have already taken several quotes from the book that I would like to blog about here. 

Quote one - "At times he could feel The Great Sadness slowly tightening around his chest and heart like the crushing coils of a constrictor, squeezing liquid from his eyes until he thought there no longer remained a reservoir." 

The above quote is the perfect way to describe the physical pain that I have felt since losing Wyatt.  I still feel the "crushing coils" daily.  Just the mention of Wyatt's name or the glimpse of one of his photo brings the feeling on.  The heart tightens as the emotions begin to build.

Quote two - ""If you couldn't take care of Missy, how can I trust you to take care of me?""

I ask everyday why when I stood in my bay window on the morning of June 4 asking God to please not take my son, why the request was not answered.  I ask what exactly it was that God was thinking the moment he took my son.  I find myself asking why God couldn't cure my Wyatt and allow him to live with his mother and father. 

Quote three - ""Honey, there's no easy answer that will take your pain away.  Believe me, if I had one, I'd use it now.  I have no magic wand to wave over you and make it all better.  Life takes a bit of time and a lot of relationship."

I really don't have many words for this quote other than, this is all I have wanted to hear since I lost him.  I don't care about the "it will be okay" or the "I am so sorry for your loss".  To read this quote and understand who it is coming from in the book has allowed me to understand that it is okay to hurt and feel the pain. 

Quote four - "There are times when you choose to believe something that would normally be considered absolutely irrational.  It doesn't mean that it is actually irrational, but it surely is not rational."

It's funny how when everything unfolded with Wyatt the first person I turned to was God.  I wasn't nice to God at the time, I was very demanding and made it known that I wasn't pleased with the way events were taking place.  I then went through a period of hatred.  Hate to the one I looked to during the greatest time of need, yes, God.  I am now trying to build that trust back up.  But just as a parent looses trust in a child after a lie, it takes a while to build the trust back to what it was. 

I am sure I will be blogging more about the book "The Shack".  As I said, I am attached.  But for now, I will leave you with this:
I do recommend the book, and I am only half way through.  I hope you enjoyed the four quotes I have selected from the first part of the book.  The quotes are near and dear to my heart and I needed to get them on this blog, ASAP.