December 1 is here. It came with a flip of the calendar today, which means in only a short 5 days, it will be six months since I have seen my son. Six months since life came crashing down. In just 3 days, it will be six months from the date of the worst surgery ever. The surgery that was supposed to help Wyatt, not kill him.
December brings nothing but sadness to my heart. December 4 is going to be hard. December 6 is going to be harder. December 12, we will be traveling back to the hospital for a candle lighting memorial honoring all of the children who had to grow little wings. Then there is Christmas. I can't even think about the holiday without getting a lump in the back of my throat.
I find myself thinking of the many things I am blessed with but I seem to come back to the fact that I still don't have my son. I had a short chat with a friend the other day. She lost her husband just before we lost Wyatt. She was explaining that Wyatt had a purpose and that we have been blessed with a gift from Wyatt. I told her that I didn't need to lose Wyatt to be blessed, I was blessed with him and didn't need to have anything else.
I am not sure and I will never know why I had to lose my son nor why my son had to lose his mother and father. I will never understand why my son had to return to God or why God only allowed him a short life. This is something that I am not privileged to know. This is something that will pull at my heart and mind FOREVER or at least until it can be reunited with him again.
Why God takes the little ones
I swear I'll never know
You had so much life to live
It just wasn't time to go.
For comfort, now, I think of you
With tiny little wings
Up above, in a beautiful place,
listening to angels sing.
You'll never know the pain I feel
The hurt you left behind.
Oh, what I wouldn't give to hold you one more time.
I carried you in my womb,
Then I carried you in my arms
And now, until it no longer beats
I'll carry you in my heart
~Author Unknown~
5 comments:
What a beautiful poem. I wish we could know the 'Why's' in this heart breaking journey that has become our lives... I can only hope that our children are playing together and watching over us down here, keeping us safe from harm until we can hold them in our arms again. I wish you peace during this trying month to come... the 12th will be 4 months since we lost our sweet Sebastion... wish there was a vigil in our area.
((hugs)) That poem was beautiful and made me cry. I hope you don't mind if I borrow it. ♥ I am keeping you and your family in my prayers, and I know our little ones are up there playing together and shining down on us. The 15th will mark 4 months since Bryston and Colton passed and the 18th was suppose to be my due date. :( Lots of love to you ♥
Megan,
I love this poem so much. Thank you for sharing it. Hoping things get easier sometime hun...wishing Wyatt and all of our babies were here with us. It would make the holidays so much easier. ((hugs))
I just happened onto your blog from my sister-in-law Ashleigh's blog (heart-and-home). I am so sorry for your loss, for your pain and for your unanswered questions. I cried reading the poem. On January 25th it will be 3 years since we lost our little Adyson Celeste at 21 weeks pregnant. It still hurts. I have a 21 month old sweet girl and a one month old sweet boy, but my heart still aches for my little girl who closed her eyes in my womb and opened them in Jesus' arms. Thank you for your beautiful post
We will never understand. Our six month date is coming up soon too...
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