Monday, December 13, 2010

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing...

This Christmas season is the salt to my wound.  I try to fight the pain and hide it with a smile but deep down the only thing I feel is the sharp and aching pain of the salt being poured onto my wound.  It is painful and it rips at my heart.  It hurts like no other pain and it never goes away.  There is always that tug at my heart, the pain that numbs my body, the void that will never be filled. 

The gifts are wrapped and the tree is decorated.  Cookies will be made today.  The Christmas cards have been mailed and the stockings have been hung.  But there are presents missing, 1st Christmas ornaments will not come, and a stocking that still hasn't been hung.  This year at Christmas, there are tears in our home which should be replaced with a little ones laughter. 

I listen to the Christmas songs this year, they mean so much more.  I haven't ever REALLY listened to them and fully understood the meaning.  There are so many songs that I have to turn off this year.  There are even more that I listen to and hardly make it through.  Christmas songs used to make me laugh and dance through the house, but this year they have made me realize what Christmas is all about. 

A BLM came up with an idea to create a "Wishmas Tree" in honor of her daughter.  This little "Wishmas Tree" got me thinking of what I would wish for if I had only one wish.  My wish would be simple:  Allow me to be with Wyatt for just one more day.  I don't ask for a lifetime, as I know that was not the way.  I just ask for one more day, so we can giggle, laugh, and play.  Until then, I will have a void that will never be filled again. 

I would like to leave you with a song that reminds me of Wyatt, our little angel forever.  I can't listen to this song without thinking him and all the other angels who were lost too soon.  May all of our angels have a wonderful holiday season and know that they are missed and loved so very much.


Antoinette said...

I never was a fan of Mariah but after Alyssa passed, i felt 'drawn' to her music, and now even her xmas music means more and when I found out recently she was admitting to being a BLM and carrying a rainbow It all made sense..she says what we feel (clearly in a better voice)....Im so glad Alyssa's Wishmas Tree inspired you to wish as well....I think if we all come down to the wishes we REALLY want, its to have that time with the babies we so desperately miss and want...this holiday so much is missing from our lives and until this month passes we will feel that deep ache. HoPEfully the next year will be more gentle to us, but I cant help but feel that a change in the calendar year will be a bitter sweet moment too ((hugs))

Lisette said...

I really wish your wish could come true. Christmas songs do have a different meaning and this one in particular is great, thanks for sharing.

Melissa said...

I agree, I definitely listen to all of these Christmas songs with different ears than I've had in the past. In many ways I think it makes me appreciate the TRUE meaning and reason for this season and I can see how that's a good thing. I do hope all of our wishes come true this next year, but I realize that we will all have one wish that cannot come least on this side of be with our babies again.