While driving to my second u/s appointment today, I was listening to the radio. I remember hearing the DJ talking about the year coming to an end and how all of the celebrities will begin to discuss their year, the fact that there will be year end music countdowns, and soon there will be a new year ahead of us. The DJ then said something that hasn't left my mind all day. He said, "As the year is ending, make sure you take time to reflect upon your year. Look back on 2010 and ask yourself what the year offered you, the good, the bad, and even the ugly."
I nodded my head and I started to cry (which doesn't take much now being pregnant). I remember rounding the turn on route 52 and starring at the sky. I began reflecting. I reflected on how I entered the year full of excitement with the news of finding out we were expecting. We were so happy, it was all we talked about for months. I ensured everything was done correctly, the right foods, the correct amount of sleep, the right everything. I thought about the first ultrasound and the many after that. I thought about the last ultrasound, the one on May 25, the first day of the end of my old life. I thought about the events that unfolded after that ultrasound. I reflected upon the massive loss that occurred just two days before my 30th birthday. I was then taken back to the day of Wyatt's delivery, my 30th birthday, the day I met my angel. I stayed there for a while, a long long while.
I sunk back to reality and stopped at the stop sign. I turned into town and began reflecting on 2010 again. I recalled the day that my angel was wheeled in the opposite direction as I, the last time we were together. There I was, sobbing through West Chester. I felt people starring at me from the street as I was stopped at the next red light. I wanted to roll down the window and scream, "What?! I am REFLECTING on my year, the worst year ever."
I pulled myself together only to realize that the DJ was still talking about the same topic. One of the other DJs was discussing their year and he stated that he had a good and bad year. It was bad because he was diagnosed with a brain tumor, but good in the fact that the diagnosis meant he had a brain. I began laughing and I quickly realized I needed to get myself to think like that. I again, nodded my head, and reflected but this time in a different way.