December 1 is here. It came with a flip of the calendar today, which means in only a short 5 days, it will be six months since I have seen my son. Six months since life came crashing down. In just 3 days, it will be six months from the date of the worst surgery ever. The surgery that was supposed to help Wyatt, not kill him.
December brings nothing but sadness to my heart. December 4 is going to be hard. December 6 is going to be harder. December 12, we will be traveling back to the hospital for a candle lighting memorial honoring all of the children who had to grow little wings. Then there is Christmas. I can't even think about the holiday without getting a lump in the back of my throat.
I find myself thinking of the many things I am blessed with but I seem to come back to the fact that I still don't have my son. I had a short chat with a friend the other day. She lost her husband just before we lost Wyatt. She was explaining that Wyatt had a purpose and that we have been blessed with a gift from Wyatt. I told her that I didn't need to lose Wyatt to be blessed, I was blessed with him and didn't need to have anything else.
I am not sure and I will never know why I had to lose my son nor why my son had to lose his mother and father. I will never understand why my son had to return to God or why God only allowed him a short life. This is something that I am not privileged to know. This is something that will pull at my heart and mind FOREVER or at least until it can be reunited with him again.
Why God takes the little ones
I swear I'll never know
You had so much life to live
It just wasn't time to go.
For comfort, now, I think of you
With tiny little wings
Up above, in a beautiful place,
listening to angels sing.
You'll never know the pain I feel
The hurt you left behind.
Oh, what I wouldn't give to hold you one more time.
I carried you in my womb,
Then I carried you in my arms
And now, until it no longer beats
I'll carry you in my heart