Saturday, May 28, 2011

Remembering the Hardest Decision Ever

Friday, May 28, 2010

That was the day that Brian and I had to make the hardest decision of our lives.  We had to decide whether or not to allow our unborn son to be operated on through the womb. 

We were told by the doctors that that surgery was experimental and that there was only a very small chance it would work.  But we were also told that if we did nothing, our little Wyatt would surely die. 

So as a parent, what do you do?  Do you sit back and do nothing while you wait for your child, the one you tried so desperately to conceive for 26 months, to pass in your womb?  Or do you proceed with a surgery that doesn't stand much of a chance of saving his little life? 

Oh my God, I remember the day.  I was wheeled down for tests, echos, and an amnio.  Again, another day with no breakfast and nothing to drink.  I hadn't had my prenatal in three days and I remember thinking that my son was going to be sick from my not eating and the lack of prenatals.  Upon completing the tests, I was wheeled back to my hospital room at the University of Penn, as I hadn't been fully moved over to the Children's Hospital yet.  After we returned to the room, we told Dr. Bryd that we had decided to move forward with the surgery.  I think she disagreed, as she told us several times that we didn't have to do the surgery.  She was the first of many to tell us this. 

As the days followed, we met with several other doctors and cardiologist, all saying the same thing.  They would start off with their name and tell us they were sorry for Wyatt's condition.  Then they would immediately say something about the fact that we didn't have to proceed with the surgery, that they would understand.  It made me question our decision several times, but again, without the surgery Wyatt has "zero chance". 

That same day, May 28, the doctor's advised that it would be best to be released from the hospital for the holiday weekend, as the surgery wasn't going to take place until the following week.  To this day, I honestly believe we were released to wait for Wyatt to pass. 

On June 1, we returned to the hospital for another echo.  The echo tech was the same from the previous week.  After holding my breath as she started the scan, I recall her saying "his little heart is still beating."  He had held on through the weekend and I could breathe.  After the scan was complete and we were waiting for the doctors, I remember Brian talking to the tech about how we were sent home for the weekend.  The tech softly confirmed to us what we had considered.  She said, "They didn't think his heart would be beating during the echo today."  That was when I realized just how bad Wyatt's condition really was.

"I had to fight like hell and fighting like hell has made me what I am."
~ John Arbuthnot


Shannon said...


Gina said...

Ah, that must have been so hard ) : What a roller coaster it is to be expecting a baby with a serious condition. The ups and downs...reading this I acually felt that little excitement at the victory of Wyatt making it to his Echo with a heart beating still! My heart is with you! Mine was born at 30 weeks <3

Caroline said...