Over the past few days, well since my latest hard cry, I feel like life is looking a bit more positive.
I have come to realize, only after seeing a photo of my nephew today, that Wyatt is in a better place. I saw Wyatt in that picture, he looked puffy due to the many steroids and drugs he would have been required to take. He was not smiling and he looked like he was suffering. It was that moment when I realized he is where he belongs, we made the right decision, and we were and always will be the best parents to him possible.
I realized that Brian and I would see Wyatt again when the time is right. But we now have to focus our attention on the gift that Wyatt sent us in November.
"We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they are called dreams." ~ Jeremy Irons
The quote above says so much about my life right now. I hold only memories of my first born, my Wyatt James. And I look to only dreams of what we can have with our second child, Nolan James. Memories and dreams, what more can one ask for?
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point." ~ Unknown.
This quote gets to me but I like it. It gets to me because I will never let go, I will never let go of my Wyatt. He will be a part of me forever. No one and nothing will ever take him away from me. However, I get what the quote is saying. I needed to realize that Wyatt was in the right place to fully begin to move forward. Today that happened.
But of all the quotes I found today, this last one is the one that has impacted me the most.
"Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness." ~ James Thurber
I know more know about CHDs then I did when Wyatt was diagnosed. That day, the day when Wyatt was diagnosed, was nothing but a whirl wind. I knew nothing about CHDs, the treatment, the life expectancy, I knew nothing at all. Today, I am filled with knowledge about CHDs and I will do everything to raise awareness.
Wyatt was placed here for a reason and it is my life goal to show the world his reason by raising the awareness.