These days, I have spent a lot of time talking to Wyatt. I have been sick with kidney stones since 6/6 (yes, mine and Wyatt's birthday). Since then, I have been dealing with a tube and then a kidney infection. The tube has to stay in until two weeks after Nolan arrives. So, I've been talking to Wyatt and asking for him to ensure I stay strong during this ordeal. I know looking back, I will some day laugh at the fact that this pregnancy couldn't be easy either, but that laughing will not occur anytime soon.
In talking with Wyatt, I have realized how much I have grown. I can look at photos and not sob for hours. I can talk to him and not have tears dripping down my face. I feel as though when I talk with him now, he is right there listening, like he is looking down over me. I didn't feel like this last year.
Last year I felt as though Wyatt was forever away from me. We were miles and miles apart and that nothing would ever reunite us again. Over the past few weeks, I feel as though he is right beside me. There are times I feel that he is sitting beside me, with his little head turned, and looking at me. I have even had a few dreams in the past week or so which have caused me to believe that he is actually here. It's strange I know, but it is true.
I saw him the other night, or I think it was him, in a dream. The image hasn't left my mind. A cute little boy, with light brown hair and big brown eyes. He was smiling back at me with only a few teeth. I don't remember much of the other details about him, but I know that it was him.
I wonder if this is because we are getting close to Nolan's due date? Or if it is a sign telling me that Wyatt is okay? I imagine whatever it is, I am only meant to know what I believe I know now, that Wyatt is safe, happy, and free from pain.
Many times when I begin to talk to Wyatt I feel that my conversations are going to be one sided. However, I have come to realize that he is there ready to talk back. But only when the time is right.