Monday, June 27, 2011

When the Time is Right

These days, I have spent a lot of time talking to Wyatt.  I have been sick with kidney stones since 6/6 (yes, mine and Wyatt's birthday).  Since then, I have been dealing with a tube and then a kidney infection.  The tube has to stay in until two weeks after Nolan arrives.  So, I've been talking to Wyatt and asking for him to ensure I stay strong during this ordeal.  I know looking back, I will some day laugh at the fact that this pregnancy couldn't be easy either, but that laughing will not occur anytime soon. 

In talking with Wyatt, I have realized how much I have grown.  I can look at photos and not sob for hours.  I can talk to him and not have tears dripping down my face.  I feel as though when I talk with him now, he is right there listening, like he is looking down over me.  I didn't feel like this last year. 

Last year I felt as though Wyatt was forever away from me.  We were miles and miles apart and that nothing would ever reunite us again.  Over the past few weeks, I feel as though he is right beside me.  There are times I feel that he is sitting beside me, with his little head turned, and looking at me.  I have even had a few dreams in the past week or so which have caused me to believe that he is actually here.  It's strange I know, but it is true.

I saw him the other night, or I think it was him, in a dream.  The image hasn't left my mind.  A cute little boy, with light brown hair and big brown eyes.  He was smiling back at me with only a few teeth.  I don't remember much of the other details about him, but I know that it was him. 

I wonder if this is because we are getting close to Nolan's due date?  Or if it is a sign telling me that Wyatt is okay?  I imagine whatever it is, I am only meant to know what I believe I know now, that Wyatt is safe, happy, and free from pain. 

Many times when I begin to talk to Wyatt I feel that my conversations are going to be one sided.  However, I have come to realize that he is there ready to talk back.  But only when the time is right.

1 comment:

Holly said...

I am so glad you feel Wyatt close to you right now. Such a great feeling!!