Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Turning of the Calendar

It was at 8:38am this morning when I was sitting at my desk at work and realized that the calendar I was looking at was still on May.  I was talking with a peer and said, "Well, I guess I can change my calendar", but I didn't.

I couldn't.

Turning the calendar meant that I was definitely entering the month of June.  The month I had dreaded since last year. 

Like not turning the calendar was holding off time.  Denial?  Stubbornness?  Whatever it was, I didn't want to turn that damn calendar. 

This calendar is not just any calendar.  It is the calendar that I made on Shutterfly that is full of photos of Wyatt for every month.  It is something that I cherish, as I find myself starring at the pictures several times a day.  As I continued to stare at the May photos I realized that time elapsing in months was about to end, in just a few short days, as we would now be to that one year mark.  I realized that it didn't matter if I turned the calendar or not, the one year mark was coming.  I slowly looked away from the calendar as I turned the cardboard page from May to June.

There it was, June.  With all the pictures of Wyatt, Mommy, and Daddy printed on this month's page, the photos could tell the whole story.  The story of a little boy who we struggled to create for more than two years, who was with us for 29 weeks and 1 day, and who is loved more than anything ever can be loved.  It's a story about strength, life, and not giving up. 

I sat starring at the photos on the June month for several minutes.  There is a photo that is printed on the date of June 6 of Wyatt for his birthday and I couldn't take my eyes off of it.  There he was, my perfect angel, lying in his blanket.  Oh the thoughts that ran through my mind.

"You would be one in just five days."
"I wonder what you would look like now."
"You would be walking."

They continued, until I shook my head and decided that like time, I needed to push forward.  For I love Wyatt and love lasts an eternity, not just for a month.   

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."
~ Henry Van Dyke

1 comment:

Caroline said...

{{HUGS}} Thinking of you so much.