So, I have been thinking. This month was a tough month as I found myself thinking a lot about the could have beens, the what ifs, and the whys of everything that happened. I think it had to do with the fact that this time last year I spent a lot of my days watching the leaves turn and wondering if this was the beauty that my angel was seeing in Heaven.
Summer had always been my favorite season. I just enjoyed spending time by the pool, going to the beach, and having long days to spend with family and friends. Last year, that all ended. I now can't stand summer. It brings with it too many bad memories. Instead, I find myself enjoying Fall this year. Though last year was tough, recalling the fact that I enjoyed watching God paint the canvas of the Earth is something that I appreciate. I am doing the same again this year, enjoying watching the artwork take place.
On Sunday, I took Nolan for a walk down our street and while walking I noticed the crisp air, changing colors of the leaves, the pastures and fields as the animals roamed, and the bright blue sky. It was a beautiful and picture perfect day and for many, nothing could be better. However, that was not the case for me. Though it was a picture perfect day, and Nolan and I were enjoying our time together on our walk, my picture was missing something. As I pushed my son in his stroller, I found myself looking to the sky for my angel. It's days like this that remind me that I am blessed to have held my angel but that I would have given everything to have saved him.
I continued to walk down our street and as I neared the bottom of the hill and started to turn around, I thought of a quote that many people are familiar with. "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." I chuckled a bit, continued to walk, and I thought to myself, "yea, if only!" and the quote was banished from my mind. Here I sit today thinking about that quote again, why, I really haven't a clue. When I thought of it today, I immediately thought, "you know what, screw the lemons!!!" That is when a different quote came to mind. It was a quote from the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Now this quote, this one is perfect (well, perfect on the surface)... It goes like this, "When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail."
Hahaha... On the surface this quote says so much. Yes, life can suck and sometimes you just have to deal with it or just walk away from the issue. However, the more I think about it, the more it makes me say "hmmm". How can you bail on life? I have known a few who have bailed on their families, friends, problems and issues. But honestly where did it get them? No where! When you say 'Fuck the lemons', what are you really saying? You know, I think I was handed several pounds of lemons last year, but never once did I say 'Fuck the lemons'. Nope, I took my lemons and cherished them. For whatever reason, it was thought that I could handle the lemons that were sent to me in bulk (yes, like buying from BJ's, BULK). I didn't make lemonade from them either. No, I held onto my lemons, added in some limes and a few oranges and by doing so I made new friends, was able to understand the meaning of life, and I learned to appreciate things more in the process.
Whether it's lemons or problems, we all have them. Some are bigger than others, some are more painful than others, but in the end they all change our lives and we can't change them. So, when life hands you lemons suck out all of the vitamin c and yell, "Eat that Life!" (I found this quote on the Internet today!!! Love it!) If it wasn't for the lemons I received last year, I wouldn't be where I am today. I have an angel that I was able to hold and a little boy that I love dearly. I have friends all over the world who have experienced the same things I have and who continue to be tremendous support. And most importantly, when Life's recipe calls for lemons, I know how to use them.