Remembering the Beginning of the End

And it started.... Reliving the moments all over again.  Yesterday, I had to go to the same facility where we had Wyatt's last "healthy" ultrasound on May 25, 2010.  I had to go because I needed an ultrasound of my kidneys for this pregnancy.  That was just the first step.

Tonight, I sit here watching American Idol the final episode of the season.  Last year, I did this from the hospital on May 26, 2010.  It was Simon's last episode.  I had been rushed by ambulance to University of Penn from West Chester.  I arrived and was quickly seen by three MFM doctors who looked very concerned.  I had no idea what was wrong, as I was only told that I needed to be taken to University of Penn to be seen by a specialist. 

Immediately the doctors did an echo cardiogram and told me that the baby (we didn't know Wyatt's gender yet) had a minor heart defect that could definitely be fixed without any complications.  With that under control, I turned on American Idol and watched the final episode of the season.  Lee DeWyze won, which is who I was hoping would win.  I was in tears, as I am with every final episode of the season, but this time even more so because Simon was done.  It was his final show. 

After the show ended, my family and husband left because visiting hours were over.  I thought that things were okay.  Who would have thought that the next day, May 27, 2010, could have brought one little family so much horrible news.  More to come on that in later posts this week and next. 

So, as I sit here watching Idol tonight, it sure does bring back some memories, both good and bad.  Nolan however, is moving very much right now.  It's like he knows everything that took place, like Wyatt told him about it.  It's like Nolan is trying to tell me that everything is okay and not to worry. 

Yesterday and today's events are nothing more than me remembering the beginning of the end with Wyatt.  Something that I will relive forever, it will never go away.  But I refuse to allow the end to exist for Wyatt, as he will be with me and live in my heart and memories FOREVER.


---- and Idol had to have Tim McGraw come on and sing "Live like You are Dying".  Really???  That was my friend Jen's song too after she passed.